Bipolar Disorder

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by RavensShallBurn, Apr 16, 2010.

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  1. RavensShallBurn

    RavensShallBurn Ruck the Favens

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    I have become very interested in this illness over the past several months.

    Back in August I was diagnosed with bipolar2 (manic depression). I was put on a number of medications which nearly ended my life.

    Ambien (for insomnia)
    Lithium (for bipolar)
    Risperdal (for schizophrenia)

    If you go research the side effects of these meds, you will see the hell I went through and how much I want to pay back the psychiatrist who had me on these meds. I couldn't have lived much longer on them.

    There's nothing wrong with me, but I was loaded up with so many meds I couldn't tell what was real or what was fake.

    My dad nearly killed me and threatened to have me stay on the meds for the rest of my life, threatened to put me in a psych ward, and said some other pretty nasty things to me. What goes around comes around. I got what I deserved for the mistakes I've made or whatever I've done wrong in the past, but now it's his turn to pay and I hope karma comes around and bites his hard.

    I talked with him face to face (solo) for the first time in 6 months a few days ago. Not sure how that went. He said I should go back and see the same psychiatrist again and said that I need meds and the only way I can function is with meds. If I'm not on meds he thinks I'm useless and can't perform well. I really don't want to see a doctor (ever again). I hate doctors. They're the ones with the damn problems and they reflect their own illnesses on to others. My dad wants control over my life, and for the first time in my life I was able to stand up for myself and break free from his control that I've been under my entire life. He controls me with money and Titans tickets. Believe me, it was hard to give those things up. But this is my life. I am no longer going to be attending Titans games. The last game I attended was the Cardinals game (hell of a one to witness) and that may very well be the last one I ever attend. It's going to be weird now... not being at Titans games. Not having a relationship with my dad, but I'm moving on I suppose. I need to get out of Nashville for real. No doubt about it.

    I probably popped nearly 200 pills last year. Somehow I'm still alive to tell the story. During my one month withdrawal from the meds I was constantly paranoid, had constant panic attacks, had to wake up in the middle of the night and p*ss 5 times, hallucinated while driving, was unable to do anything without the help of my mom. In other words, I experienced hell on earth. It was undoubtedly a nightmare and it's something that will haunt me for the rest of my life. My mom single-handedly saved my life. People say I should just move on, but it's not as easy as it sounds. I've lost my dad. I've lost my confidence about life. I suck at school now. I started noticing a change in my life. I would pop the pills and feel like a different person immediately.

    I am just curious as to who on the forums here has bipolar disorder. I'm starting to realize that the illness is mental. Depression is mental. Mood swings are mental. Everything is mental. All you need is the will power to strive on and survive. If I can survive through popping 200 pills and wean myself from meds and prove that "the best" shrink in the southeast is a moron and can't diagnose a person after one time. Yea, that moron diagnosed me with bipolar2 disorder after 30 minutes. Impossible. You can pretend like you know a person after one time, but you don't. He doesn't know my life. He doesn't know how my mind or my body works. He can go to hell for all I care. I hope that pays for what he put me through. I've seriously considered a lawsuit against him. I've always joked about suing people, but I'm for real this time. It would almost be worth it.

    Just thought I'd fill people in with what happened with me the past several months and why I disappeared from the forums. It was hard to give up the meds, but I'm not going to take meds. They make me numb. They turn me into a zombie. Anyone on here who has bipolar disorder (a bogus mental illness that truly doesn't exist... psychiatrists will diagnose you so that you rely on the meds and you keep going back to them. They trap you there and they keep making their money. That's all it's about) needs to stop taking the meds because they will prematurely end your life.

    Shrinks suck balls deep. I'm done with doctors forever.

    And yea... I hope I can sue that turd for all he's worth. Hope he loses his medical license... that idiot had me on 5 pills a day. 1200 mg of lithium and 1 mg of risperdal. Not many people could have survived what I did, so props to me and props to my mom for showing that my dad is a moron and that the shrink is a moron.

    Not sure where I was going with this thread, but I'm pretty sure that for the rest of my life I will be interested in psychology. I've become fascinated with it after the experience I went through.


    Do you guys think shrinks just want money?

    And do you guys think I should sue that moron for all he's worth?
     
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  2. JCBRAVE

    JCBRAVE goTitans 2019 Survivor Champion

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    Wow man, welcome back glad to see that avatar flying high. I don't have a mental illness, but I've seen first hand what those medications do to people. It's depressing to know doctors can ruin peoples lives in the way you described.

    Keep your thoughts flowing, writing can be a great way to alleviate your anxiety you may be feeling.

    I have a close "friend" we'll call him who's going thru the same deal. His mom keeps feeding him pills while his dad is fighting to get him off everything. When the parents are fighting one another they create a lousy atmosphere for the person suffering.
     
  3. Childress79

    Childress79 Loungefly ®

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    Brave thing to share dude.:yes:

    This is something your going to learn to live with.

    At some point you may need to take meds but you now have the experience to do so with your eyes wide open and own your own terms.

    Understanding your issues and coming to terms with them is a big part of keeping things under control.

    Sucks about your dad but if he's never had issues he'll find it hard to comprehend. Doesn't mean you can't rebuild the relationship in time.
     
  4. RavensShallBurn

    RavensShallBurn Ruck the Favens

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    My parents have been divorced since I was 6 years old. When anything goes wrong my dad has to be in control of it. Sunburn = skin cancer. Insomnia = psychotic break and go get him diagnosed with bipolar disorder and load him up with meds. Anytime I have a minor problem he blows it out of proportion.

    My mom is an acupuncturist. My dad is a doctor. My mom is a Christian. My dad is an atheist. My households are so divided it isn't even funny. It all just seems like a damn competition to me at times. There's no communication between my mom and dad. There inlies the problem. It's hard on me. If I go through a rough time, it's all my fault, and my dad can't take any responsibility. If he actually had a ballsack he would have sat down with me and talked instead of bringing me to a damn nazi shrink to get me drugged up.

    Basically what happened last August... I was unprepared for school... I went on a very stressful trip. I did at least 2000 miles of driving right before school started. I went from Nashville to Louisville, spent the night there with my cousins. Got up the next day, drove them back to Nashville. We watched the Titans/Bucs preseason game. Then we went back to my place to spend the night. I got very little sleep that night due to the fact that I had to be in the same bed with one of my little cousins. He kicked, yelled, and snored the whole night. I probably got a wonderful 30 minutes of sleep. Then I have to wake up the next morning, drive them back to Lousivlle, where I meet up with two friends. We then go to Cincinnati. I got absolutely no sleep that night. Zero sleep. By this time I'm starting to get super p*ssed off. That night it was me with two of my friends and one of their dads. The hotel room had 2 beds. Unfortunately, they were full size beds. I slept in one with my friend. My other friend slept in bed with his dad. We both got no sleep whatsoever due to being pushed off the bed the entire night. So we give up on sleep at around 5am... take a shower, go get breakfast, go to the gas station and grab a mountain dew and a 5 hour energy... MISTAKE. Then once everyone is ready, I drink my mountain dew and we all go to King's Island for 7 HOURS!!!... 7 HOURS OF ROLLER COASTERS!!!... destroyed me. Keep in mind I'm two days without sleep while doing all of this. Then once we're finished there, I take my 5 hour energy in preparation for the Reds game that we're about to go to. We go to the Reds game... blah. I hate baseball, but the seats were great. After that I thought we would logically spend the night in Cincy, but instead we were supposed to drive all the way to Toledo after this... which I was well unaware of. We spend the night in Toledo... I get little to no sleep that night... get up the next day, drive all the way back to Nashville, and have to move into my dorm the same day. I'd say that's pretty damn stressful and had everything to do with my diagnosis. All that driving... I have always been a pretty laid back, mellow person. But at this point I was nutso. I had gone 5 days without sleeping. I was on top of the world. I was invincible. I had all the energy you could ever dream of. It felt like somebody had injected my with pure adrenaline. It was the greatest feeling in the world. I was hyper. I was more talkative than I've ever been in my life. I was going up to people and conversing with them. Something I normally wouldn't do. I had so much energy. I could do anything. I was invincible and no one could stop me. There's only one problem... you've gotta come crashing down at some point. The crash felt like absolute ****. Worst feeling in my life... to be on top of the world one minute and so depressed the next that you find yourself crying.... Not trying to sound like a woman here, but I cried so much. I mean... It was a nightmare. I haven't cried in years, but believe it I did then. I think what happened is I let everything build up my whole life. All the pain and suffering... and I just let it all out to a psychiatrist... Mistake.

    But I'm past it now and ready to move on. Happy and blessed to be alive. I'm not worried about school at the moment. I'll put family and relationships before school. I'm currently looking for jobs... and one thing's for sure. I'm getting the hell out of Nashville in the fall. I'll miss this place, but it's time for a change.


    PS Childress, My dad is reflecting his own illness onto me. He can't even look at himself in the mirror. I have to be the one with the problem so he doesn't have to realize how much hell he's put me through. I love my dad, always will, but that doesn't mean I have to trust him. I have forgiven him, but it's going to take a long time for me to have a relationship with him again after all the nasty things he said to my mom and I. To this day, he continues to call me diseased. Calls my mom diseased. He can't stand not to be in control. It's pathetic really.
     
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  5. SawdustMan

    SawdustMan #ChampChamp

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    First off, very sorry to hear about everything you've been going through.

    I do not have BD but have been close with several people who do. While I'll agree that misdiagnoses happen everyday and there are in fact some very irresponsible doctors out there... I gotta say that I completely disagree that BD is bogus and "does not exist". I simply can't agree with that based on my personal experiences with certain people and from (briefly) studying psychology. But as I said, I do believe many people are misdiagnosed by lazy doctors (same goes for things like ADD, etc.).

    I will say that I've known some people with BD who function best on a relatively small amount of meds. While others require significantly more. Every case is different. But I really can't say I know anyone with BD who functions best without any kinds of meds whatsoever. They might feel better for a few weeks without them but inevitably they find that they really do need to be taking something. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should be on them. You may have been misdiagnosed to begin with. I'm just trying to share my experiences with it.

    Anyway, best of luck to you. I know it can be hell coming off of all those different meds (particularly things like Lithium). But it will keep getting better. If you feel best without them then that's great. Keep going that route. But I would say if you ever start to feel like that's not working for you anymore, don't be afraid to go back to a doctor. A different doctor.... not the same one, obviously. Again good luck with everything. By the sound of it you've sure as hell been through a lot lately.
     
  6. GoTitans3801

    GoTitans3801 Forward Progress!

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    Glad to hear that you're feeling better about your situation, and hope it continues to improve.

    Generally, I believe that people should use medication as a last resort, but I do know that they can really be livesavers for some people. That being said over prescription is terrible, and I'm sorry for what you went through.

    Another less important issue. Let's not say that you'll never go to another Titans game! You may not get tickets from your dad anymore, but why not assume that one day you'll be happy and successful enough to get your own tickets, at least occasionally!
     
  7. JCBRAVE

    JCBRAVE goTitans 2019 Survivor Champion

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    Can you fall asleep without medication?
     
  8. RavensShallBurn

    RavensShallBurn Ruck the Favens

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    I sleep like a baby now after popping all those pills... You can believe that. I fall asleep whenever I feel like it. I can sleep as long as I want.

    And also... I mean I was clearly misdiagnosed. That's what everyone I've talked with has said. I exhibited symptoms of bipolar disorder in August, but I don't anymore. I'm laid back now. After this experience, I doubt I'll ever want to be on meds again unless, of course, I am suicidal or something. I take natural stuff. I actually don't need to take anything now. But I've started taking stuff like 5htp at night. I also take Omega 3 fatty acid a few times a day. That seems to help.

    For someone like me, who's never been on meds before to be slammed with 3 different meds (and a horrible combination of meds that is... ambien + lithium + risperdal = one hell of a nightmare) is absurd.

    I could have at least understood lower doses of lithium, but to be pumped up with 1200 mg a day right away is insane. I would have been fine with taking maybe 1 pill every other day or something like that, but geez... I was on 5 pills a day at one point. You can't live life like that.

    And yea... I can get outta hand on the bipolar "bogus diagnosis"... doesn't exist. I know it exists, I just think a lot of it is a load of junk and overanalyzed to extremes. Doctors think they know it all. They don't. As much as they'd like to think they do, they definitely don't. Some people are legit bipolar. My mom is, but she doesn't take medicine. You can tell too. She's all happy one minute... depressed the next. I mean... that's how most women are anyways.

    And yea... When I go back to the school in the fall, I may go back to a doctor to see what sort of meds could help me concentrate. I've always had problems concentrating... always. I've heard adderall works. Not sure what else there is out there. But for right now, after my whole experience, I'm staying as far away from doctors as possible, and I want nothing to do with meds for now at least.

    One day I do hope I can be successful enough to afford Titans season tickets. I do have a pretty good amount of cash built up in my savings... I could pick out two of the best games each year and that'd be just fine. Hopefully by this upcoming season, I'll have fixed things up with my dad, and maybe he'll still dish 'em out to me. :D


    PS I decided that it would be a good idea to take 1200 mg of lithium at once... I missed my morning dose and decided "oh, I'll catch up and pop 4 pills at once." Bad idea. I blacked out immediately... woke up in the middle of the night sweating perfusely and having constant panic attacks.
     
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  9. SawdustMan

    SawdustMan #ChampChamp

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    :ha: :yes:
     
  10. JCBRAVE

    JCBRAVE goTitans 2019 Survivor Champion

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    If you can sleep without the aid of pills you're good. But not being able to sleep is triggering your other issues. So sleep is so important in this. I hope you can limit your intake of meds, they will eventually get kicked up if you build a tolerance you know. I hate hearing people suffer from mental disorders, they're so many unknowns and everyone's a different case entirely. It's tricky, no doubt, but you seem to have your head on straight. I'm telling you man, those sleeping pills will lead to other problems. Try to sleep without them if you can.

    Also staying busy will help. Working out and other vigorous activities are good too. Don't let the doctor take advantage of you, or use you as a lab rat. Control your own life. Like I said; I don't suffer from what you have, but I do have a lot of experience with psychology (not the diagnosis, but the managing the BS life throws at you.)
     
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