Dateline: Nashville Reports are that fast food restaurants in the land of the honkeytonk fear for their future! With world class competitive eater LenDale "Butterball" White being traded to Seattle for a virtual bologna sandwich on white with Miracle Whip, the whole fast food industry is going into panic mode about their projected profit losses. "I done fancied up my doublewide with some of that reflective roof paint and thought about gettin' some of them plastic teeth for my young uns," said local Dairy Queen assistant manager Scoot McGruder. "Who's going to buy up all of them double dipped cones I got in the store room now? I got supplies for that still of mine I ordered that I don't know how I'm going to pay for now. They won't take the WIC card from me anymore now that Lurlene filled that injunction on me." Similar stories have been coming in from all over the hollers. Rally's Night-shift Fry Cook, Cletus Earl (Last name withheld due to parole violations), expressed his dismay: "Butterball would up and order 15 or 20 Big Bufords with Rally's Sauce near on to 3 times a week when he was on that there tequila diet. Drunk or not, Bubba can eat. He's what done kept me out of the penitentiary for up on the last 18 months. I suppose I aught to go down to that Flying J and figure out which truck is carrying them fancy TVs so's I can get that meth before they kick me out of the hotel room. Again." No one is happy with the eminent financial meltdown fast approaching. White Castle has reported their earnings to fall well short of their usual gray meat sales numbers. But, they're not the only ones feeling the pain of the LenWhale give away and admission by the Titans of completly wasting a 2nd round pick in 2006, when they could have drafted Maurice Jones-Drew who was selected 15 rounds later by the Jacksonville Jaguars. "Tofu and macrobiotics? What the **** is that *** about? These people in Seattle are going to back up my pipes for good with that mess," responded Butterball when contacted by phone. "This place is wack. They have this fish market here and no deep fryer! You expect a man to eat that stuff? I've heard fish live in their own pee. You know what else fish do in there? These people STUPID!" Not yet having passed his physical, Butterball has reportedly already shed 15% of his total body mass due to the first few days of his new diet. He checked into the Seahawks team facilities weighing a mere 288 pounds. As a side note, since Butterball's arrival in Seattle, the local plumbers union has gone on strike siting "Inhuman working conditions" in and around the Seahawks facilities.